• The Decline of Male Friendships

    Attachment 79In times past, being friends with another man actually meant something. There was a special bond that men shared when they considered each other a friend that was more than just a passing event. Often times, boys would have friends during their childhood that were more like brothers than friends. I can even remember friends from my childhood that actually cut themselves and mingled their blood, thereby becoming blood brothers. Having a blood brother meant a whole lot more than your run-of-the-mill, basic friendship.

    Boys would meet up with their friends nearly everyday, share thoughts with one another, and play with each other for hours. There were no taboos or secrets that were kept from one another. There were no expectations or demands that were put on one another. Boys could be themselves when they were with their male friends.

    Those days, there was a code among a boy's friends that had a mark of loyalty fixed to the relationship that is often not seen in today's world. A friend would never stab his friend in the back, gossip about him, reveal secrets that were shared between them, or let a girl come between them. In fact, there was almost nothing that would come between friends.

    So what has become of male bonding and friendship today? For one, the same type of bonds do not exist between men like they used to. Rather than be loyal toward one another, oftentimes the men of this generation will let a multitude of circumstances and things come between a friendship. Things that could come between friends today include women, promotions at work, other friends, gossip, and social mobility. Things that are not nearly as important as the bond two men share when they are friends often come between men today.

    What are some reasons why friendship has been diluted and polluted these days?

    Technology has hurt friendships that men used to enjoy. Surfing the internet, playing video games, and watching videos has become an interference to friendship. Facebook has watered down the true meaning of friendship to the extent that anyone can be a man's friend today. A friend request may show up from the pizza delivery guy that dropped off a pizza last night.

    Women who demand all of a man's attention and become jealous of his male friends have hurt male closeness. Women today often require that the man they are dating or married to spend every passing minute with them. They forbid their guy to have a bowling night out, a weekly card game, a Monday Night Football get together, or a hunting or fishing trip. They certainly won't allow the man in their life to take a vacation with his friends. They do not allow their man to be a member of a social fraternity such as the Free Masons or Moose Lodge. They often monopolize every moment of a man's life, which results in the man having a void of male relationships.

    The evolution of the gay community has pretty much destroyed any sort of male intimacy that men of the past used to share. Men used to sit together with their arms around each other. They were not afraid to touch each other or sit close to one another. Today, men are hesitant to display affection to one another because they are afraid of being labeled as gay.

    Guy friends used to be able to tease and rib each other as part of male bonding. Joking and making fun of one another was a rite of passage among male friends. Today's men seem to get their feelings hurt quite easily and are incapable of laughing at themselves or laughing at each other. Men need to lighten up and enjoy this part of male friendship.

    In this day and age, everything seems to be more important than relationships. Friendships are often bumped down the list by anything and everything. One of the greatest feelings in life is knowing that you have a friend or group of friends that will let nothing stand in the way of your relationship with each other. In order to have this sort of relationship, you need to be sure that you are loyal, loving, and understanding, and that you won't allow unimportant things to interfere with your friendships. You must also be selective in who you have as a true friend. Do not jump into friendships until you know that the friendship is mutual, and that you are both on the same page as to the definition of true friendship.
    Comments 3 Comments
    1. rjoslyn3's Avatar
      rjoslyn3 -
      I too miss this friendship. I think it ultimately comes down to selfishness. Selfishness on the part of the man who won't give the loyalty needed to his friend to keep things from hurting the relationship as well as selfishness on the part of a woman/wife who won't allow her man to have time to have a friendship as you describe. Another thought is perhaps we have done it to ourselves as men. Perhaps we have been dishonest and immoral while our with our friends that our women refuse to take a chance on getting hurt. Either way you look at it we have become selfish. The friendship you describe here is very selfless. If a man can live a selfless life he will find it more fulfilling.
    1. Bradmin's Avatar
      Bradmin -
      I agree. Very good comments rjoslyn3!
    1. uncommon62's Avatar
      uncommon62 -
      this is DEAD ON as men we miss bonding with friends and spending time enjoying the company of other guys and i also agree with rjoslyn enjoyed reading this one alot
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